Stressed To The Max!

ok so life has been pretty hectic. I have been trying to attempt 18 HARD credit hours plus helping mom at Alegre (Travel) and being self-employed giving lessons. I have also applied for a part time job at D & B. I talked to the manager last week and he said "You are in the good pile." so maybe I'll be getting a call for an interview. yay.

However, I am taking a break from hard schooling. I realize I am just mentally burnt out and can't take the stress anymore so I am going to be taking 12-14 credit hours per term MAX. I will be starting over in math, and taking the "in-betweener" classes like Math 105 (Algebraic Reasoning), before re-taking Math 111 (Pre-Calc). I give up on attempting to keep my full ride scholarship. I have been so stressed that I had practically a nervous break down. Last October I watched Saw with some friends. I don't really like horror/thriller movies but I thought what the hell. well because of my "stress" it affected me pretty bad. Two weeks later I had to house sit for my parents and for those that don't know, they live in the middle of nowhere. My friend stayed with me but the week was pretty traumatic after the movie. Over Christmas break I ended up having to sleep with a nightlight, and even that didn't always help. For 3 months after break I couldn't stay at my parents. I would have an Anxiety attack. I decided to see a counselor about it, but she didn't help me at all. I then went to one of the counselors at the college and he has helped wonders. He did something called EMDR which is just moving the bad mental images out of my mind. it was weird, but it worked. Mom left over spring break so it was just me and dad. I was pretty upset at first because after everything I was going through, her leaving made it worse. the anxiety up until she left was mind boggling. I felt like I was 8 years old again wanting my "mommy." After she departed though it got better. Staying at the house was fine as long as dad got home not long after dark. I have since moved out of the dorms (in the process), and back into my parents. I need to get my life back moving forward, and this I feel is the only way to truly conquer my fears. I am not scared anymore, but sometimes I still get the anxiety feelings. Sometimes I can surpress them, sometimes I can't. but now instead of shaking and trembling and crying, I just get nervous for a few minutes, or less.

I am going to take college slow, which isn't a big yippee as I still want out in 4 years, but its not going to happen and keep myself sane. which I prefer sanity over getting out in 4 years.

One of my lesson students decided she wants lessons 2x a week now, yay $80 a month from her now :).... I also have another student who wants lessons on my lesson horse, so $80-160 more a month.... :):):)